The following is an excerpt from a paper I am writing for a Creative Writing class on the existence of the human soul and the power it has in our beings.
[...]It was August 29th, 2012. Life happens suddenly. One second, you are just a thought, an imaginary, a potential. The next, you have arrived. One second, you are thinking, imagining, achieving. The next, you are gone. On August 29th, 2012, I felt the unmistakable pain of breaking from the inside out. To this day, when I think about that night, I feel a little bit of the cracking. I remember my aunt holding the phone to my grandmother’s ear as she was held alive by life support without warning. I remember being asked if I had anything to say to her, anything I wanted her to know before she officially left this earth. I babbled on and on, not letting myself cry. In case she could hear me, I didn’t want her last thought of me to be me upset. When she first saw me, I was smiling. When she last heard my voice, I was determined for it to be the same. I tried.
This time, I remember everything. “I’ll be okay. Mom will be okay. I promise I’ll take care of everyone. I promise we will be okay. You’re gonna be okay too. I promise. I promise that God has a place for you up there. I know he’s made space for you because you’re one of his angels. He sent you here, so he knows you’ll need a place to come home. It’s going to be beautiful there so don’t be afraid. Everyone you miss will be there, waiting for you. I bet they’re waving you in right now. I love you so much. I love you. I love you and I’ll always love you. You’re going to be okay. You’ll be okay and I will too. I promise I’ll see you again. I’m not saying goodbye. I’m saying goodnight. I love you Nana. Goodnight,” I managed to choke out.
I don’t believe I’ve ever thanked someone very special for saving me. He came over in the morning. He picked me up, whisked me off from the painful reality I was forcibly thrown into. In the first morning that my guardian angel was watching from above, I figured I’d feel alone knowing I was one family member short from being complete on Earth. I didn’t feel alone as he held me while I screamed and cried. I felt safe although it felt as if my life was hurtling off of a cliff. I felt loved although I felt as if God had turned away. He cried with me without shame. I felt the breaking attempting to mend, just a little bit. I turns out healing hurts just as badly.
On August 29th, 2012 I felt the way a soul breaks. On August 29th, 2012 I felt the way a soul is made complete.
Recalling feelings like this affirm my belief that yes, our souls do exist and only certain actions, situations, people, places, and ideas can make them come out of their shells and become as human as we are; sometimes breaking under the flaws of this life, but always getting up and healing.
I haven’t always believed it was possible that a soul existed. The concept baffled me to the point that, instead of confronting the challenge, I chose to ignore the idea. However, it seems to me that our soul is as integral to our beings as our limbs. The soul is the one place you cannot protect with words, clothes, or eyes turned to the ground. Our most organic feelings are the feelings our soul shares with us because our souls absorb everything in this universe. It is affected by different stimuli differently. They sing and break individually. To me, an idea has become quite clear. This idea causes my soul to shiver and send the shivers right up my spine. We are just souls carrying around corpses. Without our souls, we fail to be human because we cannot be inspired, broken, hopeful, passionate, or completed. Without our souls, we are dead. Our souls are the alive part. We are physically only along for the ride.
